Three reports and an essay from the Netherlands
| URL | http://www.jorisoost.nl/index.html and http://www.jorisoost.nl/english.html |
| Type of Work | Reports, essay |
In the Netherlands still exists since about fourty years a self-help encounter group, now even two groups of the "NVSH", the Dutch Association for Sexual Reform, now named the "NVSH JORis Groups JON and West":
* "JORis" = "Jeugd-Ouderen Relaties, intimiteit, seksualiteit" = "Youth – Adult Relations, intimacy, sexuality"
* "JON" = "JORis Oost Nederland" = "JORis East of the Netherlands ".
Its web site starts with: "JON is a Dutch support group for people that have the ability to fall in love with children, but who do not want to activate those feelings into sexual acts with children.”
< http://www.jorisoost.nl/ >
English: < http://www.jorisoost.nl/english.html >
Here below, four links are given: three (half-)annual Reports and an essay.
Half-year Report 2016 A
Content: De structure of the groups, members and meetings, the themes, the methodology.
Quotes:
"This report is written, because there has much changed in 2016. Instead of one group in the East of the Netherlands, there is now also a group in the West. Moreover, the structure has changed and the methodology is strong in development.
The possibilities offered:
These are:
◦ Participating in one of the two encounter groups;
◦ or in a smaller subgroup;
◦ individual contact with one (or two) coordinators and/or active members;
◦ individual contact with a professional counselor or therapist.
All combinations are possible.
Because of many recent entries, the membership has grown from about 25 last year unto about 40 this year. All possibilities are used.
Among the new members are some young men in their twenties, who struggle with their feelings and with society that reacts those feelings, those people.
They are not ‘offenders’ and the do want to never become an offender. They refused to be approached merely as a potential offender. They need an approach as a ‘non-offender’ – and this approach differs qua methodology, this qua underlying theory and vision on the human being, thus from the now usual offender treatment. This is possible in the JORis groups, even free of any charge.
Their personal story may be told."
Half-year Report 2016 B
< http://www.jorisoost.nl/read_more/jon/report_2016_b.html >
Content: Groups, members and meetings, other themes, bridges to build.
Quotes:
"The membership had doubled during this year, from last year about 25 onto about 50 now. There are two encounter groups, some smaller subgroups and individual contacts with coordinators, members or therapists.
Both groups have a monthly meeting in a living room or such kind of a room, from 15 until 21 hour, including a dinner.
The group meetings are explicitly guided, but there is also always, before, after the group talks and during a long pause and the dinner, the possibility for mutual contact, and talks that may be only sociably, or talks about ‘everything’ or even ‘nothing’.
Usually, there is not a theme offered before the meeting. Themes should emanate as a matter of course from the group talking.
In our report 2016 A we have mentioned that there is built a bridge between our groups and the Dutch StopItNow!. The latter is now planning a group for ‘beginners’, that allows anonymity and will use ‘our’ methodology.
To some institutions for forensic psychiatric ambulant treatment, there is built a bridgehead. In these institutions, contact with people with the same feelings was – and sometimes still is – forbidden. Now some of them referred some of their clients to our groups.
Report 2017
Content: 'Imagine you are only fifteen ... You are already 22 years ... How do the groups work? Members and meetings. Who does not (or no more) participate within the groups: "Scary" and "heavy". Secondary problems.
Quotes:
"Imagine you are only fifteen ...
… (On average) and perceive that you still are attracted to the young bridge class students. Everyone in your class has a lover, but no girl in your class and age does attract you. Then, ‘the great word’ comes up in your mind: Am I a perhaps a pedophile? A Dutroux? A Robert M. [*]
[* ]A Dutch perpetrator who has abused many very young children.
You are already 22 years (on average) if you tell this for the first time to someone: thus, after seven years lonesome worrying … The first two who may hear this, are your mother and a friend. Those mothers! She does accept you – and your father follows her in this respect.
You find a group in which you can talk about this. In this group, you say: “I am glad that my parents accept me … but now I still have to going to accept myself …”
[... ... ....]
What happened to our young men in his twenties, with whom we opened this report? Sooner or later, he reached the point of self-acceptation, and gradually he found a way of living, legal, social, and even a bit happy. Members in their thirties or forties, maybe in their mid-life crisis, as well as older people also have found that way.
How many people in their twenties or teens are still walking around? Let us reach out a hand to them."
The narrative that may be told ...
... in the self-help groups JON en JORis West.
Since 1981 have I been the chair of self-help groups for people with pedophilic feelings. By doing so, 35 years long, I have developed a methodology, which I now try to put into words. - Frans E J Gieles, PhD, August 2016
< http://www.jorisoost.nl/read_more/narrative.htm >
Quotes:
The JORis groups are self-help groups. The members help each other. There is a chairman and mutual help, but not 'a therapist' with 'clients'. Each member may give help and, if needed, receive help. There may be no explicit request for help; being there, speaking there, having an audience, this can be help without an explicit request for help. Individual help is also possible with the same principles, but can sometimes more or less look like therapy. "More or less": there is a limit and an intermediate area between self-help and therapy.
The aim is being able to live in a legal and social way, to accept one's feelings en to responsible cope with them, thus without the risk to cause harm and within the limits of the law - and yet to live meaningfully.
Who has reached this point, is able to find a style of living, a way to cope with one's feelings in a way that can be accepted by person and society. In this respect, members can be positive models for each other.
JORis takes the ethical view that sexual contacts with children should be avoided. If someone yet has such a contact, there will be neither a judgment nor exclusion, but help to return to the correct way.
The basis is the own and real narrative of the conversation partners. They are asked to carefully listen without any judgment, let alone condemnation. The conversation partners may ask questions about what is told - especially about the feelings of the narrator. Only by exception a judgement can be given, but after the question to the narrator's own judgment about himself.
This is the narrative methodology. A narrative is a story about oneself. Not the behavior of the other is central, but his own and authentic narrative. Neither the narrator, nor the narrative need correction. The narrator is who he really is and his narrative is accepted as his or her story. The mere telling itself of a narrative, maybe a petrified story can give much relief, and can start a development. By conversation about the told narrative, the narrative can develop itself, through which the narrator develops himself.
The members or the conversation leader of the group may be advised to give a name to those essential elements of the told narrative. Such a name would by preference be a symbol, a figure or a metaphor. Such a reaction starts with silence, followed by words as ".... as if ...". "I see the figure of a turtle who withdraws himself into his carapase ..." - followed again by silence.
the group will be able to diminish the isolation of its members, to stimulate the self-acceptance, and so on. For most of the members this will be sufficient. Many members do not have an explicit request for help, other than "I want to tell my narrative; this is nowhere possible, only here".
This is the notion behind the title of this text: "The narrative that may be told".