You Might Be a Sex Offender If ...

Derek "The Fallen One" Logue, November 11, 2008; Once Fallen

Links to the cases mentioned here below are here:
http://www.oncefallen.com/youmightbersoif.html

One of the prevailing myths in society is that everyone on registries are all violent rapists or pedophiles.

However, landing on a sex offender registry (or even the prospect of landing on the registry) is a very real threat. Over the years, I have collected some very outlandish cases which have either landed someone on the registry or have at least made them potentially subject to placement on the registry.

Some are sad, some are ludicrous, others leave you questioning the laws. However, it is important to keep in mind how easily one can be caught up in the registries. Think about that next time you look at a sex offender registry.

Thus, in the tradition of another popular comedy skit, I present to you the following cases as "You might be a sex offender if ..."

	You might be a sex offender if... you ever paid for a prostitute in New York
	You might be a sex offender if... you use a stolen credit card to hire a stripper in New York
	You might be a sex offender if... You had sex with a teenager while you were a teen yourself
	You might be a sex offender if... you ever got drunk at a party and videotaped yourself having sex with your teenage girlfriend
	You might be a sex offender if... you have ever given your kids too much information when giving 'the birds and the bees' speech
	You might be a sex offender if... a topless woman has ever talked you into unwrapping your whopper in a public park
	You might be a sex offender if... anyone has ever accused you of a sex crime in Ohio -- thanks to a 'civil' registry, you don't even need a criminal conviction, only a civil conviction
	You might be a sex offender if... you ever participated in 'slap butt day' in school
	You might be a sex offender if... you allow your teenage daughter to have sex or don't do enough to stop her from getting knocked up
	You might be a sex offender if... you touched the knees of another man over 60 years ago
	You might be a sex offender if... you have ever taken a picture of your child playing in the bathtub, or if you have bathed a baby in your tub
	You might be a sex offender if... you've ever simulated sex on the sidewalk
	You might be a sex offender if... you had sex with a picnic table (note: why was the person who videotaped this person NOT charged with creating obscene material? Hm...)
	You might be a sex offender if... you are a teen and you take pictures of yourself and send it to other teens
	You might be a sex offender if... you have ever chatted with a teen online, even if you never planned to meet them [unless, of course, you're a senator and/or John Walsh's friend]
	You might be a sex offender if... you have oral sex with an intoxicated partner
	You might be sex offender if... you look at a child too long in Maine
	You might be a sex offender if... you are caught urinating in public multiple times [courtesy of a blogger at Reddit]
	You might be a sex offender if... you grab the arm of a 14 year old girl to chastise her for stepping in front of your moving car (assist to Ian for this gem)

The Following is not an actual case, but the author poses a REALLY good point here:

* You might be CONFUSED FOR a sex offender if... you leave your lights off and don't pass out candy at Halloween!

One can't ignore the damn holiday without possibly getting accused of being an offender. For years I've safely ignored the holiday. Now, what will the neighbors think? Will they assume that the light is off because a sex offender lives here?